Eumenes 1, Chapter 3: Pet Elephant

“It's time you enter your tent and go to bed, Princess.” Apama says.
“I bet they are elephants!”
“What?”
“There, it's roaring now! Swinging the long nose, you see?”
There are a lot of domestic animals, chickens, goats, cows, and elephants around our camp.
I say, “You are right. Have you ever seen elephants?”
“Never, I have only seen them in a relief.”
“A relief?”
“Yes, carved in the palace wall. It was also painted with colors. Elephants, as well as lions, hippos and crocs. Animals of all over the world.”
“Which palace?”
“I visited Parsa33 (Persepolis) where I saw it. Have you seen real elephants before?”
“Yes, many times. In Egypt, they were all wild elephants. Also in Assyria and Babylonia, they were domesticated war elephants.”
“War elephants?”
“They are trained to carry baggage as well as humans, and to fight in battles.”
“Like horses?”
“Exactly.”
“I would like to ride it. Apama, can you ask our King the permission for me?”
“Excuse me, permission for what? Riding that long nose big animal, Princess?”
“Sure.”
I say, “The King is too busy and too tired to hear your request.”
“Then, find someone else who can permit me to ride an elephant. And ask him, please.”
Apama says, “OK, I'll manage to get approval from authority. Today you've got tired, too, so now you have to return to your tent and have a good rest, sleep well, and wait until tomorrow morning, Princess. Right?”
“I rely on you, Apama.”
“Certainly.”
“Good night.”
“Good night, Princess.”

“Miss Apama, whom do you intend to ask?”
“Sorry, Mr. Eumenes, I have no idea. But if I didn't accept her request, Princess won't to sleep.”
“Don't worry Miss Apama. Let's go to Ptolemaios34.”
“Who is he?”
“A Makedonian aristocrat. Entrusted by King with everything about our army. Moreover, he and I were both King's classmates at Mieza.”
“You mean at Makedonian academy?”
“Yes.”
“Do you know where he is? I'm afraid he already goes to bed.”
“No, no. It's too early. Probably he is still drinking with his comrades around the campfire.”
A night banquet has started. Soldiers are drinking and eating, relaxed around fire. It'll last until tomorrow morning. Ptolemaios is also there. He must have been very busy today, got tired, constructing a floating bridge with boats across the Sindhu, gathering provisions and supplying to soldiers, and finally setting up a camp, building tents, and so on.
“Look, Miss Apama.”
“What?”
“All persons you need are present there. Ptolemaios, the captain of King's bodyguards. Vakhshuvarda, father of Princess Amastri. And Ardhanara, the governor of Suvastu city. That saves you time.”
“I hope so.”
As we approach the fire, Ptolemaios notices us. “You join us?”
“Yes, of course, but later. We have something to discuss.”
“Urgent?”
“No, but it's about Princess Amastri.”
“Younger one of Persian princesees?”
“Yes, I bring her care manager.”
Ptolemaios turns to Apama, “How can I help you?”
“Oh, sorry General, disturbing you late at night.”
“Not too late, only the beginning of night, but I'm already drunk, and my colleagues, too.”

“Mr. Eumenes, I found it.” Vakhshuvarda speaks to me, with rosy cheeks as a baby, holding his wine goblet in his hand.
“Found what?”
“You know this man, Ardhanara. His real name is much longer. Ardha-Nara-Ardha-Nari-Shvara. It means, literally, Half-Man-Half-Woman-Lord.”
“Yes,” Ardhanara says, “Ardhanarardhanarishvara is my guardian god. I was named after him. Usually, I am called shortly, Ardhanara.”
“I see.” Ardhanara is also drunk, looks very happy.

Then another man steps into us, says, “Could you please introduce me to the lady you are escorting, Eumenes?”
“Miss Apama, this is Hephaistion35. King always takes him around anytime and anywhere, and King is always mistaken as a servant of him, because he looks much more prominent and vigorous than the real King.
Be careful, he devotes his life to chasing any types of women. Moreover, he already got heavily drunk.”
“My honey, don't believe his insulting words. I am a faithful man, as faithful as a dog. Are you a Gandharan, or Punjabian?”
“No, Sogdian.”
“Sogdian, well, you holy maiden, or Artemis, the goddess of wilderness living in forest. Why don't you come over here and sitting beside me? Here is everything. Dishes and drinks, you see. From Persian herb pilaf to fatty lamb sausages and sweet plum juice. Have a good appetite.”
Apama laughed merrily. “Sorry, but I've done with my evening meal.”
“Then how about having lunch together?”
“Tomorrow?”
“Yes.”
“I am willing to if I have time…”
“Are you busy? What's your occupation? A kitchen worker?”
“Not much difference. I am serving for Persian Princesses.”
“A housemaid of Persian royal family.”
“That's right.”
“I have to say for the sake of her honor,” I say, “This is Miss Apama, she is a daughter of a Sogdian soldier. Not a servant. She is just assigned by King to take care of Princesses.”
“I see, therefore, you have lots of chance to take her around with you, Eumenes.”
“No, I don't, Hephaistion.”
People are gathering one by one, wondering what is going on.

“How do you do, Miss Apama. Could you please give me an opportunity to introduce myself?” a young man says with politeness. “I am Seleukos36, a son of Antiokhos37, a newcomer from Makedonia, drafted into this army called by my cousin Ptolemaios.”
“A pleasure for me, Mr. Seleukos.”
I say to Apama, “He is the youngest general in this army.”
“Really, wow, you look so young to be a general. Are you so brave or clever?”
“No, because, ahem, I had no choice to get old enough to be a general. I lost my father and I have to succeed his position.”
“Oh, so sorry to hear that.”
“You are welcome.”

“I didn't know you are a lady-killer, Seleukos?”
“Are you falling love with her at first sight?”
“Do you prefer elder woman?”
Some laughter occurred in the crowd.
“If I remember correctly, Miss Apama, you are the daughter of Baron Spitameneh38, the most heroic Sogdian general. I respect him. I'm so glad to get acquainted with you today.”
Spitameneh. The name recalled the Battle of Sogdia fought three years ago. Hecklers became silent.

“Thank you, Seleukos, for your mentioning of my father. I'd like to talk with you more, but I have a task to do now. It's a little bit hurry. It's about Princess Amastri.”
“What is the matter with my daughter?” Vakhshuvarda says.
“Sir Vakhshuvarda. She hit upon an idea to ride an elephant when she saw a herd of elephants in pasture near the camp.”
“A girl wants to ride an elephant?” Ptolemaios is amused.
“Yes, so I came here, to have permission for her to do so.”
Ardhanara says, “I think the younger daughter of Sir Vakhshuvarda is also the sister in law of King Alexandros.”
“That's right, Governor Ardhanara.”
“What kind of elephant does she want? Male or female, young or adult?”
“Sorry, I don't know.”
“Then I select a suitable one for her by myself and give it to her.”
“Excuse me, Sir, but she just happened to have an idea to ride an elephant. I think you don't have to give her an elephant.”
“Never mind. This is a gift as a sign of my friendship to the Makedonian King and Sir Vakhshuvarda.”
“So I have to select a fine Sogdian horse by myself and give it to you as a return to your courtesy,” Vakhshuvarda laughs.
It's beyond our expectations. An elephant for Amastri's pet! It will cause a disaster! I signaled to Vakhshuvarda and Ardhanara with my eyes, but they don't aware.

Next morning, Princess Amastri is allowed to see around the city. The Dionysia is still going on.
Amastri stares the gift standing in front of her tent for a while, then touches it cautiously. It's a child female elephant as large as an adult horse.
“It's for me? Can I take her around everywhere?”
“You had better refrain from accepting it.”
“What's wrong?”
“If you ride it, you will be soon dropped down, then your head will be stomped by his foot.”
“A brave woman who is not afraid of a horse can ride it, whereas a timid man who is afraid of it cannot do it. Horses can smell human's fear and happiness, perform unexpected reactions when being ridden by a nervous person. Elephants must be the same.”
“I don't understand what you want to say.”
“You must know us Sogdians. When I was eight years old, I first rode a donkey. Sogdia is a mountainous land. Kids also ride donkeys. We can go nowhere without donkeys. My father permitted me to ride a horse when I was ten years old. Horses are much taller, much more powerful and dangerous than donkeys. But soon I accustomed myself to riding horses. I know their minds very well and am not afraid them. They also feel happy when ridden by me.”
“But cats are not dogs, as well as elephants are not horses.”
“It doesn't matter. She is very gentle. She must love me. She won't hurt me, I believe!”
I'm so embarrassed.
"I must ride it. I must." Amastri insisted. “Ardhanara gave me this as a symbol of peace. If I refuse his kindness, he will get angry and Punjabians start war again.”
“That's almost unlikely.” What an excuse!
“Anyway, it's my elephant! It's my duty as a Persian princess to ride this Punjabian gift in public to deepen the mutual friendship.”
“You will break your neck if you fall.” I warned.
“It's a child elephant! It's as short as a horse. I have ridden horses and donkeys. It means I must be able to ride a child elephant. If you mind, you also ride it with me. Hold me tight from my back, all right?”
“Apama, can you help me? I think you are more suitable for her persuasion.” I looked at her face. She goggled at me. “Nobody can persuade her, even her parents or sister.”
“Then you ride it together.”
“I apologize but I'm not good at riding any sort of animals.”
“Any sort of? Animals with four legs?”
“Pardon me, but I don't understand what you are saying, Mr. Eumenes?” She explicitly shows her anger.
“It's just a joke. With no meaning. No Intention. Forgive me if I made you feel bad.”
“Your princess wants you to ride together. I know she loves you.” Apama whispers to my ear.
“You are kidding.”
Reluctantly, I'm climbing up the elephant first, pulling up Amastri, and holding her in my arms.
“Don't tickle me, Master!”
“I didn't. Hey, be still please, be patient my Princess. Or I can't hold you.”
“It walks very slowly. How about galloping? Please teach me how to gallop an elephant, Master.”"
“I'm your teacher, but not a trainer of horses. Nor elephants.” Nor an idiot girl.

“Look, Master. What are they doing?”
“They are performing rituals.”
“Is it a festival? So curious, with funny music, in peculiar costumes.”
“You are Persian, and here we are in India. Customs vary.”
“What are they carrying? A statue of a divine creature? A sort of a god or something?”
“I'm sorry, but I don't know Indian religions quite well.”
“I don't believe a scholar like you don't have such knowledge.”
“You misunderstand me.”
“Oh, they are enjoying singing and dancing, look so enthusiastic.”
The central square of the city is filled with sweet, alluring fragrance. A mass of men and women are sitting in big circles, waving their hands, shaking their heads, singing to the rhythm of the drumbeats. Amastri is watching at the spectacle, with her eyes shining. At the center of the circle, a pair of a man and woman, who are almost naked, start a sexual performance in ecstasy.
“Don't see that, Princess. You are not old enough to see it,” I say to Amastri.
“I want to drink that. A kind of grape juice, I guess.”
“No, that is wine. A girl cannot drink it.”
Apama also says: “That's right. You can drink it after you become an adult.”
“Don't teach me, Apama. Your duty is to serve me, not to teach me.”
What a nuisance girl the princess is.
“How about having a drink, Miss Apama. I will try it. And you? I learn the taste the Gandhara wine.”
“I cannot stand you adults only amuse. Except me!”
Apama is so anxious about Amastri that she replies, "Thank you Mr. Eumenes, but I should decline your kind offer, since I used to get drunk very easily.”
“A-ha I see, you cannot be drunk while you are serving your Princess.”

Eumenes 1, Chapter 2: Descendants of Dionysos

From the snow-capped Kaukasos, plenty of water is dripping off, pouring down in canyons, irrigating the fields of Gandhara, finally collected to the river Kophen25.
Kophen river is, however, nothing more than a part of Punjab, the Sindhu26 river system. The mainstream rises in Himalayan glaciers, transversing the Sindhu valley, discharging its water into the Arabian Sea.
We descend Kaukasos mountains along Kophen river.
“There flows river Sindhu.” Vakhshuvarda27, who is the father of Raokhshna and Amastri sisters, pointed his finger.
“What a wonderful landscape.” I'm stunned. A breathtakingly beautiful scenery, with waterfalls, lakes, and forests.
At the junction of the Kophen and Sindhu rivers, on the opposite bank across the Sindhu, there is a city.
King directed us, his companion soldiers, to prepare for capturing the city.
But before we start to cross the river, a ship came toward us. The crews look like civilians, not armed. They must be ambassadors sent out from the city. King commanded us to keep ready for combat. He also charged me to contact them.
About thirty delegates of the city landed on the shore. I led them to the middle of our camp. Some of our soldiers are holding arrows in their bows, and some are taking spears in their hands. Horses mounted with saddles are waiting for their riders. The delegates look so scared that they can't even speak.
I talk to them, “We come from afar, Hellas, to the west of Persia, which was your ever-sovereign empire. It has already been overcome by us and no longer has power to reign Asian peoples. To seize the old Persian territories as intact as possible, that is our mission. If you admit our legitimacy, you are secure. We will treat you as our citizens, also I promise you to preserve your fortunes and your traditional customs as before.”
They still keep almost silent, only some Persian words are murmured among them. I asked Vakhshuvarda to communicate with them. At last, an eldest of them stepped forward.
“Thank you for your kindness. I am the patriarch of this city.”
“My name is Eumenes. I am an officer in our King's army.”
“Good to see you, Mr. Eumenes.”
“May I have your name, Sir?"
“I am Ardhanara.”
“An Arian name,” Vakhshuvarda whispers to me. “'Ardha' means 'Half'. 'Nara' means 'Man'.”
“'Half a Man'? What's that? Half man and half what? Half god and half man? Or, half man and half beast?”
“Sorry, but I have no idea.”

“Nice to meet you, Ardhanara.” I seated him, also did myself in front of him. “I would like to ask you some more questions. What is your city's name?”
“Suvastu. The most sacred city in Punjab.”
“Suvastu, good. Let's next, what is your origin? Which ethnicity? Persians? or Scythians? You look like Arians.”
“No sir, we are Hellenes, descendants of Dionysos28.”
“Are you Hellenes? The same race as us? Don't be silly!”
“I am serious. Suvastu was built by Dionysos a long long time ago. Since then, we've never forgotten to celebrate the Dionysia.”
“Dionysia! Incredible. We must be the first Hellenes who enter this district of India.”
"Your doubt is quite reasonable, but I am just telling you an ancient legend, which has been handed down by the citizens for centuries in Suvastu."
“Which country does Suvastu belong?”
“Suvastu is a free state.”
“Free state? Independent from other nations?”
“Yes, the Persian kings have assured us.”
“Very curious. Patriarch Ardhanara, I want to know precisely. how do you govern this city? You govern as a king? Or you are the representative of a republic state?”
“No, Dionysos reigns.”
“God reigns you? But how?”
“According to His Oracles. In favor of His Will. We have maintained theocracy from the beginning of this city.”
“Amazing. What an archaic style.”
Ardhanara told me that they are to perform a special festival, an extra Dionysia, to celebrate the guests coming from Hellas, the far-away homeland of Dionysos. I am still not sure, but eventually I accepted his invitation. I called up a bunch of companions, armed them heavily, led them into Suvastu.

The city is over-crowded with half-naked tanned natives, male and female, singing and dancing in pathological enthusiasm. Ardhanara explains, “Dionysos is the great Liberator, liberate everybody, even the evil, the impure, and sinner. During Dionysia, there is no difference between citizens and strangers, or gods and humans. Altogether, noblemen as well as slaves, the rich and poor, drink liquors, burn incense, dancing to music, and freeing ourselves from ourselves.”
“The festival of super-freedom.” Vakhshuvarda giggled.
I turn to him, “As far as I see, this is mere a spree, or a fanaticism driven by wild instinct. Nothing like our Dionysia in Hellas.”
“I know nothing about Hellenic festivals, but this kind of worship is very common in this region. Very similar to such of Load Shiva.”

I see villagers carrying a large pole like a penis.
“Is that a Phallos29?”
I remember that in Hellas we also carry a large statue of penis, called Phallos, during the Dionysia.
“Phallos? We call it Shiva Linga. That is, the top structure is called Linga, the symbol of the fertility of males. And the bottom part is called Yoni, which symbolizes the female organ.”
“Do you mean that the symbol represents sexual intercourse? Let your little daughter Amastri never see such an obscene object.”
“I hope so.” Vakhshuvarda giggled again.
“In some respects it resembles Dionysia, but I cannot understand this city and people are Hellenic. This is a typical Arian city, isn't it? What do you think?”
“Well, I don't know Hellenic religions very much, but the language spoken in this city, the names of mountains and rivers around here, and the faces of inhabitants, those all features implies that this city is genuine Arian. Persians and Arians share a lot of words, culture, and religion. I believe that Arians and Persians must be close relatives.”
“That means they are Arians, not Hellenes. Why they intend to deceive us?”
“I'm not sure, but, look at that divine statue. It has the bull body with cloven hoofs, and the bull head tied with vines of grapes. It seems a god of wines, or a god of harvests. I think that, perhaps they simply call their god Dionysos or sometimes Bakkhos30, so that you Hellenes easily understand their god's concept.”
“It would be possible.”
Bakkhos is another Hellenic name of Dionysos. Some existent myth says that in ancient times Dionysos was a foreign god, worshiped in eastern countries, but one day, he drifted to Hellas, after a long journey wandering in Asia. Ardhanara's words would reflect some truth if the myth is authentic.

The citizens of Suvastu seem quite polite and prudent, having no hostile attentions to us. After we checked all the city has been demilitarized, the rest of King's army crossed the Kophen river.
King marched straight to the Temple of Dionysos. A big buffalo with long horns was pulled to the altar. I've seen many wild buffalos on the Nile; but this Indian buffalo has more gentle eyes than the Egyptian ones.
King himself drew a large ax from his back. At one stroke, the head of the sacrifice was cut down, then he offered a prayer, kneeing on the bloody altar. King also celebrated a gymnastic and musical contest.
King fixed a camp on a meadow in the vicinity of Suvastu, so as not to disturb the citizens' life, not to invoke their anti-Hellenic feelings.

King grants Ardhanara an audience in person.
King is now taking a rest in a tent with his consort, Raokhshna.
I lead Ardhanara to King.
I glanced at King through a slit of curtains. He has already taken off his armors, enjoys having simple supper with Raokhshna, who is a daughter of Vakhshastra and the elder sister of Amastri. King and Princess Raokhshna are both wear thin and loose Persian-style Khitons31 made of unbleached silk.
“We had better do not disturb Him and His consort now,” I whispered, pulling Ardhanara's sleeve.
“Who's there? Come in. I don't care.” Raokhshna says. King calls us in by swinging his bearded chin.
“Namaste, Maha Rajah.”
“Welcome, Maha Guru. I hear from Eumenes that you claim that you are descendants of a Hellenic god. That means we are the same Hellenes. Is it true?”
“Absolutely. Our God, Dionysos, wandered all over the world, reached India, the far east of Asia, and decided to leave old or injured soldiers who can't engage in military services anymore, before he returns to Hellas. For this purpose, he built a city here, at the foot of Mount Suvastu on the river Kophen, as a monument of Himself to preserve His name and honor. That is the origin of this city.”
“Very impressive.”
“I know, Maha Rajah, that you have founded several colonies during your campaigns, too. At Issos, Egypt, Oxos32, and also in Indian territories. You gave your name to the cities, 'Alexandria', to decorate the world with Your name, to memorize your countless achievements. Your glory is excelling Dionysos. You will continue your work further and plant more colonies, build cities, farms, citadels, harbors, dockyards, and settle war-worn followers all over the world.”
“Sure, I will.”
“Your excellent work is very honorable, not only for you, but also us, for all the descendants of Dionysos.”
“Thank you for your grateful words. And what is your wish?” King flashes his eyes.
“I truly tell you, oh my Lord, if you respect our God Dionysos sincerely, please leave our city free. Don't impose any taxes nor military duties. That is our wish.”
Free city? No taxes? And no military cooperation? How dare he can say that! In spite of being in King's presence, I lost my temper and shouted, “Lier! What a flattering tongue you have! Who believes that nonsense story. Are your people also Hellenes, the same descendant of Dionysos? How can you be Hellenes, living far apart from Hellas, in the middle of India? You surrendered without fighting a single battle, and you think you win our sympathy? Saying 'we are the same Hellenes.' How shameful you are!”
King raises his hand, smiling softly.
“Eumenes, don't be rude. He is my guest.
Ardhanara, I appoint you the satrap of Gandhara. Rule judiciously. Let Suvastu, the capital city of Gandhara, be a free city, without taxes and military duties. As long as you keep your Hellenic tradition, I regard you as our companions.”
“I really appreciate your kind mercy, thank you, my lord.”
“That's all? You are dismissed.”

I couldn't leave King's throne, unable to understand his decision.
“Eumenes, do you have something more to say? You know I am very tired struggling through a lot of battles. I want to rest well with my wife.”
Raokhshna gazed me, with frosty eyes.
“I am truly sorry for interrupting Your private time, my Lord, but I was taught by my Master that 'even though you offend your Load, the most loyal way is to speak out frankly.' Therefore, I can't help offering you my sincere opinion.”
“Skip introduction. Proceed to main subjects.”
“Yes, my Lord. Why did you show too much mercy upon such a disgusting man? I am afraid if you trusted him.”
“I never trust him, as I don't trust bogus barbarians such as Celtics or Scythians.”
“You ordered him to govern this province in the name of you because you trusted him, didn't you?”
“Not at all. A Governor's task is to rule people. Not to be honest. Honesty is none of his business. Nor do I trust my governors. A proverb says 'It doesn't matter if a cat is black or white so long as it catches mice.' A good cat catches mice wisely, regardless of the fur color. Likewise it doesn't matter whether a governor is honest or not. A capable but cunning officer is much better than faithful but useless one, don't you think so?”
“Possibly are you saying about me?”
“Don't be so suspicious. I say nothing about you, Eumenes.
All right. I explain plainly.
The words of Ardhanara encouraged us, not only me, but all the soldiers. In this hostile land of India, Ardhanara blessed us, this very opportune time. He was the one I expected in this situation. How his speech helped me, who is responsible for an army as the commander.
Contrarily, how foolish my fortunetellers are. A fortune is nothing but complete fake. It's sometimes useful when the soldiers are frightened confronting tough enemies. Good fortunes relax and encourage them. Hence, I employ those lazy parasitic daydreamers. But they never assist me. They say only, 'Don't modify the fortune. Your personal interpretation is not required. Hear the fortune innocently. Accept your destiny as it is.' Who are we? We are the Makedonian Army! Who am I? I'm the King! Why cannot they twist and tweak the result more flexibly for my assistance? Raw turkey meat tastes better if it is grilled and flavored. A fortune should be also cooked and seasoned effectively. Do you understand what I want to say?”
“Yes, my Lord.”
“But they never cooperate with me.
Ardhanara, he is more sophisticated. He can deal with better. I am very grateful for his assistance.
As you know, Eumenes, this land, Asia, is the place where the civilization first came out. Since then it has evolved and developed gradually and continuously. Uncountable dynasties have risen one after another for tens of thousands of years. Tribes and clans have been unified into nations, then merged into empires. In consequence of this process, uncivilized stubborn barbarians have been wiped away from earth, and only smart citizens survived. In Asia, one people feel nothing when they are ruled by another. All Asians are accustomed to the Imperialism. Or say, the Kosmopolitanism. A king conquers other kings to gain and rule their peoples. Peoples are ruled by their king without complaint so long as the king treats his peoples fairly.
Very different from Hellas. Especially Athens. They damn kings. They constantly conquer other people to gain slaves for their own sake. Or lose to be slaved. They are so simple because they are wild barbarians. Hellenes are obsessed by Individualism, which is so different from Kosmopolitanism. That is the reason, why Hellas had to be integrated by us, the Kingdom of Makedonia, and that is also the reason why I had to be the Asian king. The reason why I can't be the Hellenic king. Are you following me, Eumenes?”
“To a certain extent.”
“In Asia, a single king can rule all populaces of all nationalities, like a charioteer handling several horses at the same time. Ardhanara is well aware of such Asiatic tradition. The citizens of Suvastu might worship Indra when Arian warriors were passing by, or pray for Marduk when Assyrians invaded, or bow to Median Magi or Ahura Mazda when Persian army came. For a long period of time, they have been subject to Asian empires, paying tributes to Asian kings. Otherwise, they could not survive on this crossroad of the world.
No principle? Not consistent? There is no choice but to do so. Life is incomparable for everyone.
I admire Ardhanara. He negotiated everything what he should do, hiding his shiver with fear under his robe. Here, in the center of the Asiatic continent, the leader of a people must be such a brave and wise man.
We must be generous enough if we want to utilize them. Don't you think so, Eumenes? I do not care if the legend of this city is complete fiction. I am also not interested in which god they believe in.”
I felt myself go red. I hang my head down in shame. I am so sorry for disturbing King's precious private time with his consort Raokhshna.

鬼平犯科帳

別に『鬼平犯科帳』の悪口を言いたいわけではないが、あれは結局、江戸時代を舞台に今の刑事ドラマを作り替えただけのものであり、だから一般受けするのだ。

元は同じで、そのアレンジ次第で時代劇にもなり、『相棒』にもなる。ただそれだけのことだ。結局人はいろんなものを見ているようでごく狭い限られたものを見ているに過ぎない。

別の言い方をすれば刑事ドラマにしても、今の現実の刑事やら警察官をきちんと取材すれば、全然違う作り方をすることができるはずで、全然違う『亀有交番前』ができるはずだ。だがそのためには一からネタを仕込み、まったく新しいプロットを考えねばならない。そんな売れるかどうか当たるかどうかもわからぬことに労力を費やす人などいないのだ。

海苔弁

こないだ海苔弁の危機というものを書いたが、あれは間違いだった。

海苔弁にはやはり需要がある。

昼時、一番最初に売れてしまうのだ。だからちょうど、朝11時くらいにいかないと手に入らない。

海苔弁に人気がある理由は要するに安いからだ。鮭弁とか幕の内よりも、100円くらい安い設定にしなくては売れない。単価が安いからほんとは売りたくない。しかしよく売れるからその価格設定は崩せない。だから、めちゃくちゃ流行りはしないがしぶとく生き残る。

スーパーやほか弁屋ではそうだが、コンビニはまた違う。コンビニもまた、品揃えは豊富にしたいのだが、余力が無いところは、安くてボリュームがある鶏の唐揚げがメインになってしまうのだろう。

ほか弁屋は待たされるから嫌だ。待たされるくらいなら遠くのスーパーに歩いて行ったほうがましだ。あちこちスーパーを巡って海苔弁研究でもしてみるか。

eumenes english edition

人に言われてその気になって、『エウメネス1』を英訳してみたものの、ほとんど誰にも読まれないってことがわかっただけだった。英文ならどんどん読者を獲得できるのではないかと期待したが、そんなことはなかった。

和文と英文を分離して、和文は縦書きに戻すことにした。やはり縦書きのほうが全然読みやすい。

今回書き足してしまってずいぶん長くなった。短ければあっさりしすぎていると思われ、長いと飽きられる。簡潔で読みやすく、気がつけば次々に読んでしまって、長さを感じさせないというか、長さが気にならないようなのが良い文章なのだろう。誰も別に長編を読みたいわけではないのだ。面白い作品なら、長ければ長いほどうれしいだけなのだ。

英文もせっかく書いたからどこかにタダで公開しようと思うのだが、英文の小説投稿サイトはもちろんたくさんあってそっちに投稿すりゃ良いのかもしれんが、そこにもまた有象無象の小説があって、結局は埋没してしまうのに違いなかった。

日本語の投稿サイトもいろいろ検討してみたものの、どこも英語の匂いがしない。小説サイトなのに学問の匂いがしない、というのは変な言い方かもしれんが、ああいう文芸サイトというものには、結局、私は受け入れられない気がする。

まだハテナブログのほうが、英文に関心を持つ読者いるのではなかろうかと思われたので、とりあえずこちらに公開することにした。

一度に公開しないのはもったいぶっているせいではなく、マジで最近時間が無いからだ。私の場合、趣味と本業が分離してしまって久しい。もう10年以上そうだ。しかし、少しばかり、本業にも身をいれようと思うようになった。

本業と趣味を分離してしまうと趣味ばかり本気になってしまい、それはそれで疲れる。

やはり学閥というものはあるのだと思う。大学の同期や先輩後輩、師匠はやはり頼りがいがあるものだ。自分の実力だと思っていても、実は学閥というマーケティングないしは広報が効いているからこそ、社会に露出し、世間に認めてもらえるのだ。

つまり学者になりたければアカデミアのコミュニティに属しなくてはならず、小説家になりたければジャーナリズムのコミュニティに属さねばならぬ。そのためには大学に入るのが一番良い方法だ。だからあんな一見何の役にも立たない大学というものが存在しているのだ。

自分が属する世界に飽きてしまってその外の世界で活路を見いだそうとしても、うまくはいかない。逆に自分の学閥の中でぬくぬくと活動していて、良い気になっていても、それはほんとうの実力ではない。ホンモノでなければいずれ遠からず忘れ去られるだけだ。

二足のわらじというが、単に本業と副業があるというだけではないのだ。複数のコミュニティに属するにはどうすれば良いか。一つの大学を出て、年を取って他の大学も出ればよいのか？なるほど、それもありかもしれない。しかし今更他人の弟子になって頭を下げる気など起きない。そこまでして他人に搾取されたくない。

世の中は実に馬鹿げている。身内で盛り上がっているだけではないか。そんなものは死んでしまえば何も残らない。学者ならば常日頃学者を観察しているはずだ。そこから導かれる結論は学者は馬鹿だという以外無いはずだ。それなのに、学者のくせに学者を擁護する。そういう学者ばかりだ。

Eumenes 1, Chapter 1: Private Lesson

At last the spring welcomes us who now descend the Kaukasos mountains crossing the Khyber Pass. Snowy scenery turns into green grass fields, warm wind blows and black birds are whistling in ash trees. Our Lord stops marching here to fix today's camp. While soldiers are collecting woods, pitching tents and making fires, I spread a sheet between trees to avoid sun exposure, place a table and chairs under the shadow, prepare for writing. This is not a good place to study something, for the yellow primroses blooming in rocky meadows and white butterflies flying over the blue sky constantly attempt to attract her attention.

My Lord charged me to teach her the Hellenic language. I'm new to Persian, and she speaks only Persian. No way, I would increase my Persian vocabularies while teaching her Hellenic. I let her start practicing Hellenic alphabets.
“You spell your name as, Α, Μ, Α, and Σ,..., ΤΡΙΕ. You see. Then write it yourself, please.”
“Is this my name? 'ΑΜΑΣΤΡΙΕ'? What weird letters! It doesn't seem my own name.”
“You will soon get used to it, Princess Amastri.”
“Master!?”
“Yes, Princess?”
She puts her quill pen into an inkpot, folding her arms, turning towards me.
“I don't know whom I should ask, so Master, if you don't mind, could you give me some advice?”
Advice? For what, so seriously?
“I'm willing to help you if I can, Princess.”
“Why your King married my sister? I heard he already has a wife and a son in his home country.”
I remember a moment a well-fed, my good old mama Barsine, and his son, Herakles.
“Well, the reason is, I presume, that your elder sister, Princess Raokhshna, is so beautiful, but moreover, because she belongs to the Persian royal family. My Lord respects the Persian imperial lineage, which he thinks should never be extinct.”
“It means, must I get married to a Hellenic man like my sister, sooner or later?”
Ha, Amastri is anxious about her marriage.
She is a lovely nymph with fresh skin, as beautiful as her sister Raokhshna, but still too young to be married. She is a flower bud in early spring, not blooming yet.
“You might so. My Lord is eager for a long time to establish deep relationship between Hellenes and Persians.”
“It makes me feel sad. Who will be my husband? Perhaps he will have several wives besides me, I'm afraid.”
“Sorry, but I have no idea about it.”
“A woman should have as many husbands as she wants, as a man has as many wives as he wants. How unfair!”
“I absolutely agree with you. Marriage should be equal. But a Makedonian noble man sometimes has several wives.”
“Mr. Eumenes, are you a Makedonian noble, too?” Apama, who takes care of the sisters askes me. She is old enough to be married, but still single. She is too busy to have her own family. She always looks depressed and exhausted handling the naughty Princesses.
“No, I am a Hellenic citizen, not a Makedonian. I'm not noble, either.”
“What's the difference between Hellenes and Makedonians? Both speak the Hellenic language. They seem identical.”
“Yes, it's true. From a foreigner's point of view, we may look almost alike. However, there are many differences. Hellenes are very individualistic and self-centered. A Hellenic husband has only one wife. A Hellenic woman also marries a single man.”
“Why those differences occur?”
“I'm not so sure about it.”
Amastri asked me again.
“Hmm, I suppose you have a wife but leave her in your home country, don't you?”
“No, I've never been married.”
“Why don't you have your wife?”
“Just because I'm a poor scholar, I don't have enough money to feed my family.”
“That sounds strange. Though you were a poor scholar when you were in Hellas, you have participated in your King's campaign, now you become a senior officer. I think it's time for you to marry some woman.”
“Certainly. But I can't imagine what family I will have, or what husband I shall be, how I manage my life with a woman and her children, since I'm so accustomed to my single life, which seems good enough for me. I need nothing more.”
“Though how much you love being single, you will be also compelled by your King to get married to some Persian girl.”
“I guess so.”
To Whom Apama will get married? I am afraid our Lord keeps poor Apama single and makes her serve Persian princesses until she dies.

After a while, Amastri asked me again.
“You seem so intimate with your King. Are you a relative of him? You said you are not a Makedonian. Are you a member of a Hellenic noble house?”
“As I said before, I'm not a noble. Not a servant or slave, either. I was born and raised in an almost insignificant rural country called 'Kardia', which is one of the countless city-states in Hellenic territory. There, I was a son of a physician.”
“A physician? Has your father ever served as a medic in Makedonia?”
“No, not at all. My family lives in a coastal village. Kardians are generally sailors or fishermen, as most Hellenes are. My father also fishes, as well as sells drugs to fishers. When I grew up, Father sent me to a scholar, who is my Master Aristoteles, to study pharmacy. After that, King Philippos, who is the father of our King, called my Master to his court to teach his boy.”
“I got it. The boy was the Prince Alexandros.”
“Yes. That's right. The prince and I met at Mieza, the academy of Makedonia, where my Master taught us writing, counting money, collecting useful herbs, curing patients, and so on. Now, I make drugs, treat injuries, write letters and documents for our Lord. Teaching you is also my job, as you know.”
“A-ha, so you are a quite busier man, than you look. The more you learn, the more you have to work harder.”
“You are as cynical as a philosopher.”
“I would like to know more, Master.”
“Good.”
“Where is Kardia, your home country. In neighborhood of Makedonia?”
“Well, that is ...”
I pick up the pen from her inkpot and write a map on a piece of papyros18. I also regard it as my task to teach her geography.
“There is a strait, called Hellespontos, which separates Europe from Asia. Kardia is here, on the European side of the strait. Makedonia is here, in the northern mountains in Hellenic territory.”
“I see. Then where are we now?”
I'm at a loss for a while, thinking how I explain.
“About here, Master?” She pointed at somewhere east on the map.
“No, no, much more. Far east. I write another map.”
“Another? Don't waste your papyros.”
“Princess, you never figure out geography without reading and writing maps on papyros, again and again.
In the first place, Asia is the largest continent and located at the center of the world. The center of Asia is Mt. Ararat, which is the highest and most sacred mountain in this world. Asia is surrounded by four lands, European, Indian, Libyan, and Scythian. Outside of these continents, a huge salty water is circulating. This water is called Okeanos. Outside of Okeanos is the end of the world.”
“Who and what live there, where, the outside of the end of the world?”
“Who knows, Princess? And our Hellas is located at here, the boundary of Europe and Asia. From Tauros to Kaukasos, mountains penetrate Asia, centered at Ararat here, finally reaching to Indian subcontinent. We are here, on the boundary of Asia and India. This province is called Gandhara.”
“The Province of Gandhara. So we are in Gandhara, right?”
“Yes.”
“Then where is my home country Bakhtrish?”
“Not far from here. On the boundary of Scythia and Asia.”
“I'm so impressed. You know everything. You are a great teacher.” She looked at me with a mischievous smile.
“Stop flattering me.” It makes my back itchy.

センター・オブ・ジ・アース 2

『センター・オブ・ジ・アース 2』という映画があってこれは『センター・オブ・ジ・アース 』の続編なのだが、全然地底探検になってないのにこの日本語タイトルにした人はどういうセンスなんだろうねしかし。 『サスペリア』と『サスペリア2』の前例もあるしもうどうでもいいんだろうねマーケティング的には。

『センター・オブ・ジ・アース 』は原題が『Journey to the Center of the Earth』で、原作はジュール・ヴェルヌの『地底旅行(Voyage au centre de la terre)』だから、これはいいんですよ。『センター・オブ・ジ・アース 2』の原題は『Journey 2』。まあこれじゃ邦題考えるの大変だったかもしれんね。

で、雰囲気は完全に『ジュマンジ』（新しい方の）なんだけどさ。まあいいんですよ。さらっと最後まで見れたので、嫌いじゃないです。 ヒロインはほとんどララ・クロフトだった。 プロットはほとんど『天空の城ラピュタ』だった。というかオマージュのつもりなのか？ 何にも考えずに飯食いながら見るには良い作品で、『ターミネーター』みたいに途中胃が痛くなるような展開もなくて、淡々と楽しく見させてもらえる作品だと思った。 日本でいうところの劇場版ドラえもんみたいなものか。